The Canadian Identity

In this special article, investigative journalist Philip Osborne explores the terminology that drives meaningful communication in our transcultural society, using insightful storytelling. Media pledge
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Damien Owanabu, a native Canadian who was available to explain how his family voluntarily decolonized and resettled themselves onto Canadian soil before he was born, explained "As an indigenous Canadian, I register quite high on the racialized persons of colour scale," he said, "but I struggle with fitting into the Canadian hierarchies and patriarchy partly because of my traditional ethnic culture." He said that he disagreed with homosexual crossdresser pagentry on religious grounds and didn't appreciate that it was being pushed on kids in schools.

Canada Border and Immigration Services
Some of Damien's relatives immigrate with the assistance of Royal officials (CBSA supplied photo)

On hand was expert Brianne Cocksworth, a newly-hired interfaith professor of Systemic Racism and Gender Studies at the college of Social Sciences at the University of Toronto, to verify Damien's claims with a lux meter, a special device that can measure human albedo. "The tricky thing is," she explained, "is that because Mr. Owanabu already identifies as a racialized individual, the lux meter must be re-calibrated to reflect this." She added under her breath, "...and because he's actually not THAT black, he must have some albino genes." Doctor Cocksworth then showed pictures of the blackest and whitest people on earth to demonstrate the kinds of privilege that each is subjected to. When asked, Cocksworth claimed to be "bi-gender" and rejected the idea of using a particular pronoun to refer to him.

Race measurement tool
A typical visible minority indexing procedure
Brianne Cocksworth
Cocksworth was fired from his previous job for his interfaith heresies

Elder Jimmy McJoseph-Bigmouth, who identifies as a four-spirited individual and agreed to be a contributor in time for this article, said he didn't really care who was indigenous as long as his hunting and fishing rights were not impinged upon. "I don't know what the big deal is, my ancestors colonized Turtle Island since time immemorial," he explained, "and for the past few hundred years the land has been resettled by people who don't think seven generations ahead like the Great Spirit taught." When asked whether one of his spirits was the Great Spirit, he conceded that he wasn't entirely sure but that he gets asked this often. "Don't tell my grandkids," he said, "but I was able to summon a pokemon spirit to help make myself the cool grandpa."

Turtle Demon
One of Elder McJoseph-Bigmouth's Spirits

Doctor Cocksworth agreed that more work needed to be done to destabilize the patriarchal colonial structures, including capitalism, "If everyone could submit to the holistic collectivism, then the individualist free-market competition that causes so many problems in society would disappear." Cocksworth lauded the synergy of publicly-funded special interest positions such as her own because it encourages kindness, inclusivity, and tolerance.

Doctor Cocksworth
Doctor Cocksworth dressed in his professor uniform (supplied image)

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